Lost
by dat.epic.arcanine
Summary: TRIGGER WATNINGS: Transgender, child abuse, rape, homosexuality, alcoholism, suicide No likey, don't readey This is basically a vent, so have fun with the sick and twisted places my mind can go, and the shitty writing that I did at 1 am.


**Lost**

 _A short (vent) story by Amelia~_

 _Trigger Warning: Transgender, child abuse, rape, homosexuality, alcoholism, suicide_

 _No likey, don't readey_

* * *

"Keep going, kid! Push yourself! Give it all you got!" The teacher yelled encouragingly.

I continued, pushing through the slight pains and aches with my rush of adrenaline. Right fist, left fist, right side block, left knee I repeated over and over to myself. I can do this.

"HIYAHHHHH!" I exclaimed, as I punched and kicked as hard as I could.

"Great job Tay! That was amazing! Hey kid, I hope this makes your day. And with that, I present you with your green belt young lady," he said while bowing to me.

I did it, I finally got my green belt! I guess dad was right, karate wasn't a waste of time after all.

"Oh is it that time already? Class is over guys!" Sensai Mark said while turning to us and bowing yet again. "Oss"

I ran out of class excitedly. I can't wait to show my dad the new green belt I got!

"Dad, dad look!" I said, holding up the belt I had worked so long for.

"Ah so my little girl likes karate now? I told you you would," he said jokingly.

"I know dad, fine, I like it now."

And with that, we walked to the car, hand in hand, laughing and smiling.

* * *

"Taylor, would you mind going out and grabbing some food to last us for the next few days?" Called my mother from across the room.

"What?" I asked, snapping out of the extremely vivid daze I was in.

"Here," she said while handing me five dollars and some change.

"I know it's a little less than usual, but your father had to take a day off work... Again... But that's not a big deal honey, just go and grab some bread and try to get back home before eleven."

"Bye dear. Thank you so much, I know your father usually does the shopping, but he's been pretty sick lately..." She trailed off. Her expression suddenly changed from happy to sad. I wonder what she was thinking...

I walked to the door, turning the doorknob slowly, and shoving the money my mother gave me in my front pocket.

As I made my way to the small grocery store a couple blocks away, I was thinking about that memory earlier, of me and my father, back when we weren't poor, when I was happy in my body, when we loved each other. So much had changed.

To start off I'm trans now, FTM if you even know what that means. I really didn't feel like what society called a "girl." I wanted to play pretend war during recess, not hopscotch. I wanted the blue paint, not the pink. Eventually, I didn't like how everyone called me Tay. I preferred Taylor. I didn't like the girl clothes at the store. I just grew further and further apart from "girl stuff" until I wanted to be a boy.

I became trans in about 6th grade. My mother was really supportive. She bought me boy clothes and painted my room from pink to blue. She used the right pronouns and called me the right name and even bought me a binder from this special website. I always feel like I owe her for doing all those things.

My dad on the other hand wasn't supportive at all. He didn't accept me and pushed me away, claiming that this girl wasn't his daughter. He yelled at me saying things like "You aren't my child," or "I never loved you and I never will," and eventually ended up physically hurting me. The occasional slap had ended up leading to him majorly abusing me. Neither me or my mother ever reported him. We both loved him too much to see him taken away to who knows where.

Ever since then I've never felt comfortable in my body again.

I showed up to school everyday with new bruises. Some of the teachers asked why, and also some of the students, but I just said I fell down the stairs. I ended up talking to people I never have before. Like Jordan.

Jordan was one of the students who asked me what happened. In the beginning I said the same thing that I said to everyone else, I just fell down the stairs, but he didn't believe me. He said "Trust me, I've fallen down the stairs before, and it doesn't leave bruises like that." He kept bothering me about it and eventually I slipped and said that my father abused me. At the time I was sure it was the biggest mistake I had ever made in my life, but it turns out it was the best thing I ever did.

Jordan and I shortly became best friends, we would talk about school, play sports, and do homework together. We were inseparable. He was what I thought about, he was what I looked forward to, he was my everything.

Then one day he left.

I never really found out why he decided to go. He always seemed pretty happy. I guess the 'happiest' people can be the most miserable on the inside, but I wouldn't know that; I always wore my heart on my sleeve, or at least that's what my mother always said.

Anyways, after he was gone, his father was shortly after. His cause of death was alcoholism and depression.

I couldn't bare to go to either of their funerals.

Life was pretty hard after that... is pretty hard. It's been two years since that and I still haven't gotten over Jordan. I've never really admitted it to anybody, even myself, but I loved him.

Let's be honest here, 90+% of Earth's population is straight. He probably didn't even know that love was an option here. He could have never loved me back.

At that moment I felt something brush up against my side that finally brought me back to reality.

"Oh, sorry sir." I said, looking up to see who I bumped into. He looked to be about 32, with a rough beard and messy, black hair. He was wearing an army green sweatshirt and grey sweatpants that had a logo on the side of them that I couldn't quite make out. It almost looked like it said 'martial arts,' but that just could have been my imagination. That's when I looked up. I was in a side alley that I didn't recognize and it was getting pretty dark out. Did I really stray that far? How long was I daydreaming?

"Hey kid, no problem. You wanna come here a sec?" Said a voice that I've heard before, but my mind couldn't quite grasp who it was.

Figuring it was just a guy who was lost in the back alleys, I walked closer to him.

The stranger mumbled something under his breath before he walked closer to me, drawing me deeper into the dark ally.

"Hey kid, what are you?" He asked. What kind of answer did he want exactly? And why did he keep saying 'Hey kid.' I swear I've heard that somewhere else…

"Hey kid, don't be rude, answer my question. What are you?" He insisted, this time his words slightly more forceful.

"E- Excuse me?" I questioned. This guy must be crazy.

"You a guy or a girl?" He said, more than slightly annoyed.

I decided not to respond to this one. From what it seems like, he's trying to mug me or something. This is not a very good situation to be in. I was always pretty cautious of who I talked to and what I did, but this just seemed to be a weird day I guess.

"Oh, not much of a talker are we? Well, I'll fix that in a second…"

With that, the stranger slammed me against the ally wall and reached his hand downwards. Shit, what's happening?!

"Hey kid, by the way, my name is Mark. Call me sensei if you like. It'll come in handy soon."

Sensai… Mark… Green… Martial arts… 'Hey kid…' That voice…

"SENSAI MARK?!" I screamed, hoping he would remember me and let me go.

"Heh, sure kid, call me that. Now let's find out what exactly you are…" He said, placing his focus back on my lower half.

"No, Sensei Mark, I'm Taylor, Tay. You gave me my green belt." I pleaded, trying desperately to escape his firm grasp on my waist.

"Tay… Tay… That young enthusiastic girl who was in my last ever karate class… I remember you Tay. You were my favorite student. You made my Wednesday nights fun, kid, very fun. This'll make your day, I promise."

Well, that plan failed. What is he going to do...

Mark paused for a moment, looking down at me greedily, wanting. His hands still firm on my waist.

I still don't know what he's going to do… rob… beat… murder…

Then it came to me. What was about to happen, was rape.


End file.
